King
by Canadino
Summary: Hana blocked his first shot and Men...was quite in love. Men/Hana, yes, folks, I went there.


**Disclaimer: If Shaman King were mine, I wouldn't need to write fanfics. If any of these songs were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfics.**

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**Minimal fluff 09!**

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King

Hana had rushed out much too fast. Well, figures. It seemed _bá ba_ was right; commoners really don't take into consideration the needs of others. Men watched disinterestedly as the blonde Asakura sprinted out of Flame Inn, taking his anger with him.

It was…attracting.

"Go to Japan," his father had told him, as Men stood in front of his commanding, long-haired father a few weeks ago. "Find the Asakuras. You will watch what they do and observe the doings of the lower class. Are you capable, my son?"

"Yes, _bá ba_."

"Oh, Ren…" Both father and son started as the young, white-haired mother breezed into the room, smiling amiably as she walked past Men and ruffled his hair. "Why don't you just tell him straight out that you want him to check on your friend?" Coming to a stop next to Ren, she was the image of the perfect wife; petite, disciplined, and sweet. And further more, to the vertically challenged (or fun-sized) Ren, she was more – shorter.

"That's…that's not…" Ren cleared his throat, trying to recover in record time. "It's true, I would like to know how Yoh is fairing, but Men must also know about more than just the house walls."

"That's extremely like you," Jeanne smiled. "When I was younger, I wished to know more than the Iron Maiden walls as well…so I approve. Men, please do your best."

"Yes, _mére_."

"And Men," his father said, looking stern again, "I would like you to make friends with the Asakura son, Hana. He is a shaman of ability and it would be beneficial to the family to ally with them."

"Don't strain yourself, darling," Jeanne added quickly. "But why wouldn't he make friends with you? You're so adorable and strong yourself."

And his father had sent him out with Bason and the family heirloom kwan do. His mother bestowed upon him a kiss, a thousand good wishes, and Shamash to also protect him. This, along with his own powers, came three of the family bodyguards. His parents were almost _too _doting. Sometimes Men wondered what kind of mushy, kind parents his parents had to make them act this way.

But back to the task at hand…

No one at Flame Inn had been interesting. The pink haired governess was kind, but a double-edged sword – smiling and generous toward guests and cruel to her subordinates. He had a mother like that and couldn't find too much to relate to her. The pompadoured man who hung around the place was creepy and over-eager – and _bá ba_ said it was fine to beat him sometimes. The three waitresses were strange – one smoked too much, basking in dangerous fumes, one had odd hairstyles, and the last was depressing. Men spent his first hours trying to find a decent fight in the house.

Then…_he_ appeared. Although _bá ba_ frowned upon it, _mére_ said it was okay…Men sighed dreamily. The subordinates allowed themselves to be defeated. The local spirits were weak. He could win, and winning was boring. The shame and anguish and the promise of a rematch made losing a delicious alternative. And Hana had blocked his shot.

Hana Asakura…

Men thought he was fully in love. He was not one to beat around the bush, and his doting parents had encouraged him to get in touch with himself, so he knew. What he felt had to be love. Hana was different from the kiss-ass people that integrated with the Tao family. He was not loving and fussy like his parents. He wasn't afraid and timid like the friends he had back at home.

Hana was perfect.

But Hana was unattainable. Hana was an ordinary Japanese student, a lazy one at that. He was also, according to a lurker spirit nearby with long hair and a resemblance to the old pictures of one Yoh Asakura, taken – promised to a girl who he would meet soon. But Men was not one to give up – especially if he wanted something.

"If you want something," his father always told him, "you must go and get it. Don't wait for it to come to you."

"You're our darling little prince," his mother cooed, even when he was already ten. "We'll do our best to help you attain your dreams, darling!"

Princes grew up to be kings. And kings always got what they wanted.

It only took a few seconds to threaten Ponchi and Conchi, those perverted animal spirits, to confess which room was Hana's. Men was not going to wait for a smitten Hana to return singing some girl's praises. He would infiltrate that boy's heart immediately. Smashing the door down with the kwan do, Men was only slightly surprised to see someone already in it.

"Shit, can't a man read porn in peace?" The blue haired shaman, Horokeu, started, pulling his hand out of his pants and his head up.

"Filth on his earth," Men said, his face lighting up in a menacing glow, "you will help me with a task that such scum such as you should be able to accomplish."

"What is it, Tao brat?"

Now Men had been told about Horo, his father's friend, his father's _close_ friend. There had been an unspoken promise at the household not to keep secrets, so Men had been forced to listen as Ren confessed (behind closed doors, of course) how he had experimented as a teenager and had more than one compromising situations with the Ainu shaman. So Horo would know how to get in a boy's pants. Perfect.

"You are going to help me get Hana to absolutely love _me_."

"Is that so?" Horo's mouth curved into a professional smirk. "Typical of a Tao. Order people around and expect results. Now tell me, brat, why Hana-chan?"

"Kings don't take orders, they give them. Will you help me or not?" Men raised his kwan do threateningly and Horo raised his hands in surrender, a goofy look on his face.

"Sometimes you remind me of your father," Horo said, chuckling. "And I could never refuse him anything. So if his kid wants me to help him, I'll help you. What do you want?"

Men grinned, as a successful hunter would, covered in blood. "We're going to get a certain girl out of the picture, first, and have him realize what he's missing in his life, which of course, will be me."

Horo shrugged. "It's none of my business, but…whatever, kid."

_Bá ba_ wanted him to make friends with the boy.

_Mére_ wanted him to find himself and hopefully settle down with a cute wife and have a happy family like they were.

He wouldn't be a Tao if he couldn't do both things at once.

Owari

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Note: Crack? More like…inspiration! Please! Don't tell me this wasn't going through your heads at the Hana "chapter". I could definitely see a Hana/Men pairing coming up in the future. Especially if Yoh/Ren used to be popular. What's wrong, Shaman King authors/authoresses? Does yaoi no longer ring a bell? If it's the last thing I do, I'll revive this fandom with new strange stories! I too was discouraged by the canon Ren/Jeanne, but HoroRen will always hold a place in my heart. I know you feel it too. Review, flame, just give feedback!

On another note: I read Shaman King for a new plotline, not a watered down version of the first with recycled character designs. But focus on Ultimo, please, Takei-sama!


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